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ThomasBelknap

Need some fresh eyes on a sales page.

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Hi All,

My main software program is pretty big.  I put out a sales page some time ago but many said it wasn't very clear as to what it did.  haha

I was hoping to post a link here but wanted to check if it is ok to do so.  The program isn't quite ready for release and I don't want anyone to mistake this for self promotion.  

If it is ok then I will post the link to the site.  I'm still working on the sales page, but would like to know if I'm on the right path as they say.

Thanks,

 

Thomas

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On 11/19/2018 at 7:09 PM, ThomasBelknap said:

Hi All,

My main software program is pretty big.  I put out a sales page some time ago but many said it wasn't very clear as to what it did.  haha

I was hoping to post a link here but wanted to check if it is ok to do so.  The program isn't quite ready for release and I don't want anyone to mistake this for self promotion.  

If it is ok then I will post the link to the site.  I'm still working on the sales page, but would like to know if I'm on the right path as they say.

Thanks,

 

Thomas

Thomas, 

I'm so sorry. I completely missed this post. Please feel free to share the link. 

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Thanks Mike.  I appreciate it.

I am still working on the sales page.  I alternate between that and other things so it is still a little rough (need to spell and grammaritize it ;) ).  Like I said before, my main concern is clarity.  My program does a lot and the first attempt at the sales page had others asking WTF?  haha  

Right now I am concentrating on the automation as the main selling feature for the program.

http://profittigersystems.com/products/smartflo/

I do plan on pre-selling on a blog before they get to that page. 

Any and all feedback is gratefully appreciated.  Thanks for taking the time to give it a look.

 

Thomas

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"Smartflo Speeds Up Your Online Biz Act" is what I'm gettin' here ... but it takes me a while to figure.

I sense intuitive smarts gonna save me time, real braino stuff gonna blitz the donkeywork — all tailored sweet to my individual ass.

But I would wanna hit on this core messagin' for mebbe 50-75% fewer words,

*Millennial Ditz Alert*

Copy kinda leads me on a real long dance — which is not what I wanna hear from a fast-action solution.

I would wanna look in on

More and more companies are seeing how automation will be a absolute necessity.

The smart companies understand they can't afford to allow their competitors to gain a huge advantage which is why there is so much money being invested.

Automation will play a crucial role in not only doing mundane tasks, but also bridging webservices.These are tasks that we shouldn't really be doing.

Pulling data from a webservice, make a decision and update a totally different webservice is fast becoming the norm.

an' say sumthin' kinda

Successful companies embrace automation as an essential enabler of future growth.

But competition for advantage is fiercer than ever as smart technology delivers new ways for businesses to thrive.

Smartflo keeps you on your toes while your competitors languish on the backfoot.

Its [totally invented name] technology speeds up your act while others flounder.

Your're kinda overwritin' the advantages & skippin' on keywords like KER-BLAM! & ZAP!

Catalytic product demands BAM BAM BAM pitch.

Plus also, las' thing I wanna see anyplace an 18 ICON SUMMARY.

There is a difference between bein' enthoosiastically persuadable an' autistic.

Smartflo = boiled down to essence, right?

So alla this needs to be more concise, straight on it, clear & sweet.

 

 

 

 

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Mucho gracioso for that feedback Princess.  I agree that simple is better.   It may be better to keep it short and just educate them through the sales funnel with smaller snippets before they get to the sales page.  I think I will do a major purge.  Possibly include the features on a different page for the people who are more anal about that stuff like me.  

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15 minutes ago, ThomasBelknap said:

Mucho gracioso for that feedback Princess.  I agree that simple is better.   It may be better to keep it short and just educate them through the sales funnel with smaller snippets before they get to the sales page.  I think I will do a major purge.  Possibly include the features on a different page for the people who are more anal about that stuff like me.  

Yeah — fix the core narrative so you pick up most evrywan quick & sweet. Any specialist sub-plots can hang out elsewhere.

Always, your pages gotta scroll real easy an' reveal precisely what is comin' next.

Soon as eyeballs start skippin' around on your offer you kinda interrupt that intrinsic A to B ... to Z journey.

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3 hours ago, Princess Balestra said:

Yeah — fix the core narrative so you pick up most evrywan quick & sweet. Any specialist sub-plots can hang out elsewhere.

Always, your pages gotta scroll real easy an' reveal precisely what is comin' next.

Soon as eyeballs start skippin' around on your offer you kinda interrupt that intrinsic A to B ... to Z journey.

I have a feeling I am going the wrong way because I know this program isn't for your average "push a button and magic gold bullion will pop out of your dog's bum" crowd.  haha

I am probably overcompensating with a lot of information hoping the people who shouldn't purchase won't.  It's a big support hassle when dealing with putting in hours answering questions only for them to tell you it's too tough.  It's part of the job, as they say, but I am always looking for a better way to avoid the curb kickers and spend more time with the people who will get something out of it.   

I do think you're right and I need to approach it a lot differently. 

I appreciate the insights and the inspiration.  

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4 hours ago, Mike Friedman said:

I'm not a copy expert by any means, but I feel like your secondary headline should actually be the main headline. 

Your Business Is Unique And Requires Unique Solutions To Be Competitive!

This feels more like the attention grabber to me.

 

Thanks Mike!  I wasn't sure if I should go that route.  I dipped my toes in it.  lol   I was looking over at Filemaker and the emphasis was on custom apps.   Mine does very similar but the automation is a huge difference.  So then I started thinking central hub where data comes and goes.   That doesn't really tell anyone anything if I really think about.   What the heck is a central hub or data?

Man, I do appreciate the feedback because this stuff has me going around in circles without it.  

 

Thomas

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